how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
