so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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