i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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