You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
