There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
