He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
