I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
