I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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