My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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