im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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