Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
