I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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