I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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