That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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