I just threw up on my dentist
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
