i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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