bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
