Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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