It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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