We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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