Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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