Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Enjoy the penises
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
