i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
