I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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