I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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