the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
