just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
