So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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