epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
