Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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