id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
