The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A+ Viking dick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
