So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
A bitchslap is in order.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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