Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
