I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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