..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
