So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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