i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
