I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
