I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
