My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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