Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
