Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
