I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
