my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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