Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
we're so committed to being not committed
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
