You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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