Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
