you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
