I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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