Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Every concussion has its silver lining
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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