dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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