come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
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Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
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what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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