my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
