Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
