Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
