Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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