You made me cry and you don't even care
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
