If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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