Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
