That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
