if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
