it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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