If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
