Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
