Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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